THE AMERIKANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
MEDIA | WEB | HUMOR
February 9, 2009
Washington, DC – President Barack The Hussein Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress, facing criticism that the giant pork spending bill they are trying to ramrod down the American People’s throats will not create any real meaningful jobs, are now considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition in life except to draw a government welfare check.
“Roughly 52 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society ” said California Senator Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over by those who have won life’s lottery and have a skilled and well-paying job”. The Senator refused to identify how they arrived at that particular percentage of Americans, but aides to the Senate Committee working on the bill revealed that the numbers correspond to the percentage of votes that Barrack The Hussein Obama won in the November Elections. “With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.” she added.
In a Capitol Hill press conference, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (67%), and Teacher’s Unions have done a spectacular job of ensuring that over 88% of public school instructors that are incapable of passing a third grade math and spelling test, are awarded tenure to indoctrinate our children in government mandated education.
“Under AWNAA, more than 25 million new mid-level positions will be created, which is badly needed when 500 million jobs are lost each month” said Nancy Pelosi at a press conference in support of the new measure. The bill follows the example already set by the Treasury Department’s fiscal policy, and creates tens of millions of new positions out of thin air, with important-sounding titles but little in the way of any real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance, just like the rest of the Obama Administration’s cabinet. The recent appointment and confirmation of IRS Tax Cheat Timothy Geitner to head the U.S. Treasury Department, demonstrates the commitment that President Hussein Obama has demonstrated towards putting unqualified and criminally negligent people into positions of power and authority, the same goals set forth by the AWNAA legislation.
The bill sets mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions that will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. Tax evaders and those whom have been caught hiring illegals and avoiding federal employer taxes on Nanny’s and Chauffers are awarded fast track status towards heading new government bureaucracies. The legislation gives a tax credits to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented, but racially diverse hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?” “As a Non-Abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Louisa Ruiez Guitierrez, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to read English or remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me,” Guitierrez added. With the passage of this bill, she and millions of other untalented or illegal citizens will be employed by Activist organizations like ACORN to register millions more Non-Abled persons onto the voting rolls.
Senator Arlen Specter (Rin0-Penn) said, “As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with the right to take up space in this great nation while getting a good salary for doing nothing.”
President Obama warned on Monday that failure to pass this legislation would result in TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) saying to a gathered throng of sycophantic media worshippers that were entranced with personal presidential fantasies, “The sun will explode and vaporize this solar system, if we cannot put aside the partisan politics and do what is needed for the American People”.